A Very Disjointed Blog Post About Words and Manners and Wastebaskets

Words interest me. There are old terminologies that make me laugh. There are lots of words that are way over my head.

There’s something that I think we all have in common and that would be an appreciation of kind words spoken to us or about us.

I’ve heard  and read stories of the opposite.

People can be so unkind to others. People can be very insensitive. People can say very mean things for some very crazy reasons.

I read on a blog a couple of years ago, about the unkind names a girl was called when she was young and the struggles she had because of it.

I honestly can’t believe how hateful some people can be.

Words matter.

Words hurt.

Words matter.

Words bless.

I’ve been so blessed at times by sweet words or deeds. Many times the giver didn’t even know how much their kindness meant.

I’ve been put off by words at times or blindsided.

I cringe, knowing that I unknowingly hurt people.

There’s an incident from my childhood that I remember which caused hurt feelings and made me feel belittled. And this is far from the bullying and hatefulness inflicted by many people onto other people, yet I do remember it.

I was about ten or twelve and we were at an annual church meeting and I was with a couple of my pretty close friends. There was another girl that we were friends with, but whom we didn’t see often. We had been together, but were leaving for the day or going our separate ways of some kind. {It’s been a while since I was ten or twelve and the details are foggy.} We discussed a place to meet the next day and I said something along the lines of meeting close to a wastebasket next to the drinking fountains. Plans made and we went our separate ways. Whenever we met up again, I noticed my friends making reference to “the WASTEBASKET” and laughing a lot  and working “WASTEBASKET” into the conversation quite a bit. I’m a little slow, but not that slow, and I eventually wondered what the joke about wastebasket was.

Because, it seems like human nature can enjoy teasing and also enjoy feeling like we have one up on someone, no one would tell me what the joke was at first. Eventually, the story came out. My friends told me that after we made plans the first day to meet by the wastebasket and I had left, the other girl, had exclaimed, “Wastebasket? Who does she think she is? It’s a trashcan. Who calls it a wastebasket?”

I was taken by surprise. For a couple of reasons. This other girl really was a nice girl. She wasn’t a bully nor had she ever seemed like she was nice to your face and then, instantly mean behind your back.

Secondly, my friends really were nice friends. So, I was surprised to feel like they were enjoying laughing at me and having fun at my expense. And it wasn’t really just a we’re-picking-on-you-joking sort of way. It was hurtful. I doubt they intended it. And I’ll admit, I’m over sensitive. {My poor husband still gets to deal with that at times.} But, it did bother me. I wasn’t trying to be better-than-thou or Miss Uppity-up. In fact, if I would’ve been, it probably wouldn’t have bothered me so much.

 

I can be prissy and prim and proper. I don’t really mean to be or to come across in a stuck up way. I believe in manners and I can probably seem like a goody-goody. I don’t really doubt it. One part of me, the people-pleaser part, doesn’t want to offend anyone. Another part of me believes, that we have taken casualness to levels it was never meant to go. These are my opinions. And this world certainly holds a lot of differences and opinions!

I’m going to go with this definition:  it’s part personality, part DNA, part the manners instilled in me.

 

We don’t have perfect manners, by any means. I’ve never taught my children to address other adults by their title and last name, such as Mr. Smith or Mrs. Brown. My family struggles at doing greetings well, truth be told. And not out of impoliteness. Rather, it is a combination of the  lack of liking crowds and gatherings and of feeling awkward and unsure around people. Especially, the groups of people with whom you have acquaintance, but don’t know extremely well and/or are not extremely comfortable around.

{And may I insert in here, a question?! WHY is it that there are some people that I never feel quite myself around or quite comfortable around? This is one of life’s mysteries I ponder. Surely, someone else relates!! 🙂 }

I’ve also never taught my children to say yes sir, or no ma’am. I’m quite sure there are people that would find us quite unrefined, leaning towards red-neckedism, and lacking dignification.

But, there are some things and common courtesies I appreciate. Many, of which, were instilled in me by my mother and her mother before her.

To THIS DAY, I still don’t like looking in a cupboard in someone else’s bathroom, even for more toilet paper, because I was taught that it is not polite or nice to look inside other people’s drawers or cupboards or closets. I definitely believe that respect for others’ property is common courtesy  and politeness is appreciated when you are a guest in someone else’s home. I’ve {hopefully} taught this to my children as well. 🙂 Our manners book has a few pages about this subject as well. And I don’t think my Grandma ever read the book!!

Like the saying goes, “Good Etiquette is making people feel at home when you wish they were.” Ha! {Also from our manners book.} So, I’m thinking the opposite would be true as well. “Good Etiquette would be behaving as the kind of guest at someone else’s home in a way that makes them GLAD you’re not at home.”

We were taught please and thank-you. We always thanked the hostess when we were invited somewhere else for a meal.

I wasn’t allowed to chew gum in church. Now, as a kid there were times I wanted to. On the grown up side of it, I agree with my mom. It bugs me to see people chawing away during a service or meeting.  {If you chew gum during a service, that is totally your right! This is simply my opinion and I know this world is made up of a vast variety of opinions! 😉 }{I don’t want to ruin anyone’s gum chewing.}{I also realize this can help some people stay awake. And I do suck on peppermints and it could easily be that there are people out there who can’t stand any gum or candy during a service.}{Also refer to the people-pleasing I mentioned previously. I don’t like to make people feel bad.}

Speaking of  services, we were very rarely allowed to exit during a service. It had to be dire. As in, SICK, possibly close to death, or a very desperate, very, very desperate indeed, call of nature. My older self, once again, appreciates the manners I grew up with. I’ve been in services or meetings when I thought it really must just be a come-and-go and we hadn’t got the memo that this was the agenda for the meeting. 😉 I may have been a slight bit more lenient with my children, {I’m doubting they think so} but I’ve never liked for them to go in and out. Even if we were close to the back, and even doing the best to be inconspicuous, I always feel like it is distracting to go in and out. It’s always especially nice if you do have to exit a meeting and the floor is squeaky or creaky or you drop something or do something to further call attention to yourself! That is really up my alley.

 I guess when I stop and think about it, I believe that good manners are going to help breed kind words and deeds.

Good manners means if you can’t disagree in a nice way, don’t leave that blog post comment or fb comment. There are real live people on the other side of the screen. Good manners means even if you have a personality clash with someone, you can be cordial. Good manners means considering others and their feelings. Good manners means you don’t make nasty comments or snide remarks. Good manners means you don’t always try to take the best for yourself or take advantage of other people. Good manners means giving grace to others and realizing we all mess up at times. Good manners means respecting other people’s property and time and space, even within your immediate family! 🙂 Good manners means not saying everything you think.

Good manners means graciousness and goodwill.

I don’t like to be negative, but I do believe that our grandparent’s generation did manners much better than today.

And don’t get me wrong. Every word I type, I can feel my glaring deficiencies! Don’t think I have it all right or think that I do. My imperfections stomp on my own feet daily. I’ve read more than one author who claims the subject matter as something they themselves need and they figure there’s probably at least one other person who can relate. I think this is a disclaimer I need written up and posted at the top of every blog post.

Fact is, though, there’s always going to be haters and disagreers to deal with. And believe me, that is a struggle for this manners/people-pleasing female. Where does the line of politeness merge with the line of being taken advantage of and trampled on? Where’s the line between selfishness and being a person who matters just as much and has rights, freedoms, and opinions?

These are things this overthinker muses on.

I think the Bible writes from both angles of it, too, so I just ponder and struggle with finding the balance.

Read these verses~

Proverbs 27:14 He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him.

 

Proverbs 25:17 Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house—too much of you, and they will hate you.

Hebrews 13: 1-2 Let love of the brethren continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.

Galatians 5:22-23 The Spirit, on the other hand, brings a harvest of love, joy, peace; patience towards others, kindness, benevolence; good faith, meekness, self-restraint

 

Proverbs 15:1  A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.

Proverbs 27:1-2 Do not boast about tomorrow,
for you do not know what a day may bring.
Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
a stranger, and not your own lips.

 

Psalm 37:21 The wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give generously;

1 Cor 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Exodus 20:15 You shall not steal.

 

Proverbs 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.

 

1 Thess 4:9-12 Now about your love for one another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. And in fact, you do love all of God’s family throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, brothers and sisters, to do so more and more, and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

It seems like an underlying thread in many of the messages in the Bible simply has good manners woven into it.

What words and manners have impacted your life?

 

Oh, and if you’re looking for a wastebasket, chances are I can point you in the right direction!!! 😉  Boo-yah!

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2015