I felt the ache –
I felt the tug –
I didn’t ask to feel.
Depression knocked and I said no,
She came in anyway.
I felt despair
The angst and ache
A turmoil roiled inside.
A panic and anxiety,
Please let me disappear.
I didn’t ask to feel this-
I do not want to feel this-
Please take away these feelings,
Break through this smothering ceiling,
Please, please just let me fly.
Oh, let me fly.
I didn’t ask to feel.
Oh, I don’t want to feel.
It’s much too devastating.
Too piercingly heartbreaking.
Oh, I just want to fly.
I feel the ache-
I feel the tug-
I ask, “Don’t let me feel.”
Pain and grief, with no relief,
Abandoned, I stand here.
And do you see?
Oh, can you see?
A tear, it trickles down.
And on my doorstep, crouching down,
Hopelessness pounds and pounds.
I lift my voice,
I scream it out.
Oh, go away, I say.
She turns the knob, ignores my shout
And enters anyway.
She sidles to the wingback chair where Happy used to sit,
Flopping down, she props her feet, encompasses all of it.
The matching chair, right over there, the one prepared for peace,
Commandered and beleaguered by more uninvited guests.
I didn’t ask to feel this-
I do not want to feel this-
This breath-defying panic,
It brings out all that’s manic,
Please, please just let me fly.
Oh, let me fly.
Where can I dwell in safety?
And maybe, oh just maybe,
Catch a glimpse of happiness again?
Oh, listen for the slightest swishing of her hem.
Open wide the door. Invite her in.
Find what I want to feel.
Find who I want to feel.
Fill me with anticipation.
Fly up in exultation.
Oh let me fly!
Panic and dread must vanish.
Their heavy hand be vanquished.
And gratitude ring out, “Halloo!”
The maudlin melancholy,
Focused on all folly,
Shall firmly find an escort out the door.
And I’m falling,
While I’m calling,
Oh, I’m falling
But the ripcord’s in my hand,
In an instant I am flying,
Saved from the plunge of dying,
And the parachute of GRACE billows above my head.
The glory of it thrills me.
The colors weave; they bob.
As I’m flying, I am feeling
The freedom a RELENTLESS LOVE demands.
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