I have a heart for marriage. I feel passionately about it.Β The commitment to marriage and the plan God has for marriage is sadly becoming lost and tossed away today like so much litter.
I want for people to love their spouse, love their marriage and be grounded in God.
Does this mean I have a perfect marriage? Yes. Yes, it does. To have a perfect marriage, all you have to do is have a passionate heart for marriage. You never have to work hard at it. You and your love will never disagree or rankle each other. You will always gaze adoringly in each other’s eyes over a candlelit table set with chocolates and wine.
OR NOT.
I like organization and organizing. Does this make everything in my life automatically neat and tidy? Does this automatically make me a minimalist? Β Yes. Yes, it does. A place for everything and everything in its place. All you have to do is enjoy organizing and Voila! nary a mess in sight! Just the right amount of stuff to fit in every drawer, shelf, and room no matter what size your house is or how many people live in it.
OR NOT.
Neither one of those scenarios make a bit of sense, nor do they hold up as truth when tested out.
UNFORTUNATELY.
It IS true that I care deeply about my marriage and if I could wave a wand and throw fairy dust or wave my hand like Elsa and transform all marriages into happily-ever-after {rather than freezing everything}, I would so be on it!
Also true that I enjoy organizing.
Our stuff doesn’t organize itself though. My house often has piles placidly waiting to be put away and drawers that were once filled and organized neatly, open up to show a rumpled, ruffled-through contents.
It takes continual work to keep things neat and tidy. Or even somewhat that way. I love the A Place for Everything, and Everything in its Place Plan. It’s just that so many things MISS THE MEMO and don’t trot meekly back to their place. Rather, they seem to GALLOP wildly into wrong places. The nerve.
The very nerve.
Flipping channels and landing back on my marriage passion. You guessed it. Great marriages don’t just happen. They don’t miraculouslyΒ mince up the sidewalk and knock on the front door, waltzing into the front entryway, with a breezy, “I’ve arrived, so sit back and sip tea.”
Continual work once again. But fun work if you want it to be. I was struck recently with the thought of HOW MUCH FUN it would be to throw this into an introduction when introducing your spouse to a new friend. Something along these lines, “Matthew, this is Barbara.” Β “Barbara, this is my husband, Matthew. I adore him and think he’s so handsome.”
I envy personalities that can pull these kind of stunts off. I WANT to, but very rarely can my love-to-laugh-and-look-for-the-unexpectedΒ self pop above my introverted-in-crowds-self and what-will-people-think-self. When I’m really “me”, as I think of it, I’mΒ generally around my long-time people and so I really don’t need to introduce my husband to anyone. Pretty sure that would get some odd looks, if I started making introductions among long-time friends. Although there’s a few people who know me, that probably wouldn’t think that much of it.
All right. Back to the whole fun work idea.
Simply look for ways to speak well of each other. Laugh together. Do fun things together. Do not-fun things together, but shoot for making it as fun as possible. Share cheese dip and chips. Tell each other little things. Go to bed together. Like, at the same time. Concentrate on the fun.
Attitude is a lot. And, yes, there are 1001 things vying for our attentions and working against and requiring something of us. 1001 in one day. Then 1001 the next day. And maybe 3003 the next, next day.
Babies have to be taken care of. Questions have to be answered. Except for when you’ve been asked “Whyyyyyy???” for the lebenty-hundreth time in a day. Then questions quit being answered for the rest of that day and steam simply seeps out of your ears.
Bills have to be paid. Bosses expect you to show up. Lawns demand mowing. Meals need prepared. There are always people who are needy and the sick to visit. Cares and concerns. Life and doing and stress.
All the 1001, can stomp the fun so far flattened that it’s almost impossible to find it. Almost. But not quite.
Look for it. Peel it up. Fluff it up. It’s there.
It is. And having a hand to hold and someone beside you as you go through the day-to-day and the hard things makes them just a bit easier.
You know those drawers that need straightening? Well, I organized them. For the lebenty-millionth time. And they look awesome-possum!! And there’s a part of my head that is all like, “Woo-hoo! It’s done. It’s wonderful. It looks great. I’ll never need to do it again.”
Why would my head even think that? I just organized them for the lebenty-millionth-hundreth time.
Somehow there’s a part of me that always seems to think it’s going to magically arrive in the happily-ever-after, I guess. Once done, always done. Check! Check, check, check, check.
Life’s just not like that. Oh, checklists happen. They get checked. But then they sneakily and stealthily uncheck themselves over time. Sometimes over longer periods, sometimes within minutes. {Such is the case if it is a freshly swept kitchen floor we are checking off the list.}
Marriage has its own checklists and moments. Ups and downs. Keepons and holdons. Hugs and tugs to help each other out. Hurrahs and cheers. Smiles and tears. Shoulder to shoulder. Nose to nose. I’m-there-for-youness and I care-for-you-mostness.
When something does get completed and the check mark is made, there is a wonderful sense of accomplishment. So, if that part of me that thinks it’s going to arrive at done-and-done were right, perhaps I would end up missing out after all?
Besides there IS a time when I WILL arrive at happily-ever-after, every checkmark complete. There’s going to be Someone there to greet me and to celebrate my accomplishment. SomeoneΒ from whom the idea of marriage comes andΒ who is a model for our marriage. THE Bridegroom and His perfect love for His bride.
Hug your spouse, ToDaY!!! Keep on keeping on. Hang on! Tight. Clasp that moment.
Let’s just defeat the devil. He wants out homes and our marriages. He is so not going to win and that makes me so happy. WE are the victors. Christ conquered. Christ saved us. Christ renews us day by day.
God loves marriage and He loves to bless us in our marriages.
Write a lovenote. Share a kiss. Make a favorite food. Deliver a special drink. Simply smile.
Do those little things. They matter. Even if it’s the thousand thousandth time. Sweet things and loving gestures never, ever grow old and they feed our souls and they connect us.
Because marriage matters.
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